im so damn tired. i need to just kill myself already. i really wanna cut myself so so bad because i just really want scars. not in a romanticizing way or kinky way, i just want my past to actually be validated. im also so sick of my parents, especially my mom putting me in the middle of situations i dont need to be in. i also hate how my mom accuses me of things i NEVER did. its not like i sleepwalk or smth. and i hate my relationship. because yes i love my partner, but i feel like he just sees me as a friend, or just a peer. he never shows affection, he calls other people fine, cute, etc. and i dont wanna talk to him abt it bc he'll prob just be upset. like im so tired. i have so much envy for my friend's relationship bc of how healthy it is. its not fair. i just want a loving partner who will ACTUALLY show affection towards me and not have alter egos for the different people hes around. and like im so close to just shredding my arms and not giving af if my mom sees anyway, fck u mom