the first time i tried to take myself out of this world was when i was 8 or 9 years old. i was just tired. kids at school didn't like me. i came home crying every day because they were calling me various slurs. i didn't even know what they meant. i thought of myself as lesser than. i thought the world would be better off without me. i tried to use the top of my bunkbed with my dads belt. i was unsuccessful. my last failed attempt was in june of 2025. i had 40 tylenol in front of me, and i planned to take enough to just do me in. between when i was 8 or 9 and june 2025, there were 6 other attempts, most of which were failed attempts my current plan is that when i graduate highschool, i'll legally be able to buy a gun. then ill do it this is the only memoir of this i will leave.