this episode is really bad and everything but i'm really just so hung up on the fact that i'm probably going to lose my scholarship over it. i feel like a failure. i shouldn't give up but i don't want to face anyone after that, i'm supposed to be at the top, always, and this is just humiliating. if i'm going to embarrass myself by being so suicidal right now, maybe, go big or go home? haha. it seems almost more embarrassing to survive