I think I'm really depressed. Not the crying all day and being unable to get out of bed kind. The kind where nothing feels right, where life seems to have no meaning. I'm starting to not feel anything. 3 years ago when all this was starting, I would feel this knot, this heavy feeling in my chest, when things were getting bad, but now even that is leaving me along with everything else. I haven't cried in 5 years. Everything seems boring and uninteresting and useless. I feel like I have no friends that I want to be there for me, or that would be there for me. Everyone else seems to have this magic ability to connect to others that I am lacking. The way I interact with people feels like a performance. I think I've forgotten what my true self is like. Maybe I hate my body and how I look. Everything I put on feels wrong or seems to fit wrong. Nothing makes me look good enough. I'm scared nothing will ever change and I will have to continue to live my life being this miserable.