I hate how dependent I am on people when I have no one there to depend on. When I need someone to lean on because I'm struggling with my mental health badly or something triggered me and no one's there's 99% of the time, it makes things feel like they'll never improve. Especially considering how much of an outcast I am, and how much I struggle with anxiety, so making new connections is already a much harder task than it feels it should be, maintaining those are also difficult, and they never dont feel one sided, which might just be me being selfish but I feel like I put in so much effort and time and care into the people I feel I'm close with, helping them through what they're going through and making sure they have a place to go or a person to talk to, but when I'm in a spot where I'd need the same kind of support I come out empty handed. It's hard not to feel like all my battles with depression and suicidal thoughts and tendencies are fought alone when I have no one there to help.