I am aroace, I know that because I dislike the thought of being close to people like that... But I am not sure anymore. I have this friend called Alex, who really reminds me of my old best friend Ebba. She was so friendly and funny and accepting. She didn't like touch, but would hug me and hold my hand despite that. That describes Alex perfectly. I don't know if my type is a cozy, mature girl/nonbinary (Alex is nonbinary but slightly feminine) who dislikes touch but still willingly gives me the time of day that makes me feel happy. It's gotten to such a weird point. They have a friend who made a deal with them. Said that if they have their first kiss before the school's end (which is in 5 days) they'll have to share it with her. And for some reason, despite my clear boundaries, I want it to be me. I want them to pull me aside before or after class/school to at least give me a peck. I don't like thinking that way, it's so creepy and weird. Feels like I'm a creep who doesn't belong here.