i feel like ive been taking care of people i love my entire life to the point i feel anxious about them everyday and disappointed when they do something that might hurt them also alcohol has been a big part of my life, picking up my beloved ones from the floor when i was little and hoping someone older would for once help me, not me helping them. constant arguments flawed me with anxiety which i cannot get rid of even in the best moments in my life, even when falling in love with someone. the worst part is i still love people who made me this way and i cant imagine my world without them, its hard to believe. i wish i didnt have all those alcohol and abuse related memories so i can fully take in the fresh air and not worry about everything i say,do, etc. another thing is the constant longing for someone who is not there anymore but pushing everyone who tries to enter my heart away