Ive lived most of my life trying to gain the love of my mother already knowing I dont have a father. But ive always been ahead of myself, taking college courses at the age of 11 and working to get my associates by the end of highschool. throughout this time ive realized that i feel everyones emotions so deeply and mine even worse though because of this ive been to scared to open up about myself so i just sit and listen to everyone else. ive been though two breakups and have lost many people over the years just like everyone else. the problem is i feel as though i dont have it that bad and so many people have it worse. i live in an apartment and i have the basic necessities plus a little more but ive never felt the love of a parent. my mother when mad will say what comes to mind and one of those things being for me to harm myself and end it, ive been suicidal for a while and have attempted since i was about 9 ive also had a huge sh problem, maybe shes right and my life is truly over...