I'm in a play and we finally figured out the fake kiss on stage (cheek kiss but still). and i almost cried after because it's been so fucking long since I've kissed anybody, and feeling the warmth of her cheek on mine and smelling her perfume made me want it so badly. and i feel bad because she's married, and her husband is a really nice dude, and now I'm feeling some kind of way about some skin contact with this married woman. and i don't approve of cheating but if she asked me to kiss her for real i would say no but it wouldn't be immediate. I'd have to really think about it but also it's feeling like the lesson i should take is that the only way i can get any kind of affection is by pretending to be somebody else. because it's been 10 years and the closest I've been is when I'm on stage playing the kind of guy who kisses people i just don't know how other people do it. i'm not sure how i did it 10 years ago in high school.