I fucking hate myself, i try my best to be a person i like but everything always turns to shit and im really tired. even if people think i look fine, in my opinion i look deeply ugly and it got to the point where i just tear up when i look in the mirror. all my attempts to make friends never work, i tried clubs or fan bases for adults but i never managed to make a friend and now i dont know if im just boring or something. i got one friend from back in school, i love him very much and im thankful for every support he has giving me, he was one of the reasons why i dident kill myself when i was 11, i got beat up every day by my drunk family, i got bullied at school by the students and teachers, i tried my best but i never managed to recover from that, i have a deep fear of school but i keep trying, as an adult i still mess up every education i need for a decent job, i fucked up three now and now im out of time and scared to keep trying. even this vent is a mess, i need more space.