I don't want to do-anything stupid in retaliation or to get back at him for doing something that may just be all in my head. I could very easily call up a dozen dudes willing to spend time and money on my company . With in a few hours I could be back to selling pushy and making lots of easy bread in no time. I wouldn't have to wait on my lover to provide me with what he desires I need. I could pay for all my own shit cigarettes fatty clear gas for the car and a new t ire and windshield wiper I could get my nails Done eyebrows and hair done. I could rent a motel Roland wash my dirty clothes instead of living in a rundown abandoned building and wearing the same dirty hand washed t shrt everyday. But I wouldn't have him and I would still be a low life and be singing against God ....