I am living my life through distraction alone. I wonder if anyone really enjoys existing or only simply tolerates it. Many of my closest friends had left me, and I know it is my fault. I do not know how to talk to people. I do not know why it is hard to relate. I know I treated them harshly. I regret it, but already apologised, and they have already left. I wonder if people enjoy things or are only constantly distracting themselves, too. I wonder if others also avoid thinking about the future at all costs. Maybe I have too much time to think, maybe that is a good thing. I wonder if there is a place in the world, maybe a country or culture, where I belong. Maybe a single person, they could be reading this right now, if you want a usually unserious chaotic friend, maybe it is you. Should I look for them? Or do I keep on priding myself on being "non-conformist" because I couldn't conform no matter how much I have tried?