graduating high school rn, having my finals. i’ve been studying for a year with paid tutors, my parents had wasted tons of money in order to get me well-prepared for it, and today, when i had my first exam, i went there feeling like i’ve already won. i was aiming for a perfect score, a hundred. one wrong question takes about three points, and i’ve made it. i made at least one mistake that would compromise my work and i won’t get that hundred anymore, despite me wanting it so badly to the point of obsession. i had several breakdowns today and then grappled with thoughts of killing myself, because i’m scared of not being good enough on the rest of my exams. it’s important to me: flawless scores would get me a scholarship. my parents aren’t able to pay for a tuition fee in an uni. i know it sounds irrational, but i feel like a failure, having wasted money and expectations. i have no energy for the rest of my exams, because i feel like i’d fail them too.