I just feel blank, everything after 2025 you can't make any memories, i used to be a kinda big youtuber with 600 subs, but my dad deleted it out of anger that i took my moms side in an argument, I don't want to die, i very much want to but I'm scared of what happens after death, but i can't live like this, I'm definitely am hypersexual (Haven't got diagnosed), I just sit on my ass all day, i listen to music to cope and sometimes baking, I cry at everything, i feel so weak, I've been bullied a lot so i have trauma being around peers, i hate being around people in large groups, everywhere i try to get help is impossible without it leading back to parents, i hate eating, and everything is my fault, i fuck all of my relationships because I'm so fucked up in the head, i can't talk at all without people staring at me and telling me to shut up, i feel like an alien, no matter how much i change my personality, I'm still weird, I'm just so tired of this life. and at the end i just cry.