I'm still hurt by people using me as an example for someone who's too incompetent, too addled or brainwashed by society, too incapable of handling anything themselves. I've been known as a Charlie Gordon, as someone you'd go along with while looking down upon. "Friends" always avoided me, I brought their reputation down whenever I tried to Yozo myself into some performative cheerfulness in the sad and deteriorating role of a clown, reterritorialized and taken from pleasant interactions. I know there was an expectation to perform, I played into every trap and was known by some as an "incel." "You want a date with (my name)," they'd say sarcastically, yet would play into it- I was constantly reported to HR for being too much of an autistic creep to get that no one wanted me there. I still don't grasp the determining tone; I was subjected to this just because I was special needs, I was special needs because I came from a poor family with not much experience in education at all.