I think that if one day I didnt wake up . . . I might be missed. That thought scares me more than i ca admit because ive been waiting, waiting to go to sleep and wake up somewhere beyond earth wether that be heaven, hell or nothing. But I know people that love me are scared of that exact situation, my parents would cry, my siblings would hurt and my partner would mourn me. Not even just these key people, i know i would be missed and that makes it all the harder for me to feel this way. I want to go to sleep often–a smooth undisturbed sleep but i dont want to die anymore, i kinda do sure but i;; miss kissing him and holding my sisters close, ill miss my moms hugs and my dads gruff affection. I hate that “healing” wont stop these thoguhts, all therapy and counseling has really done is given me directions how to handle them and ow to cope but theyll never go away and that scares me. I dont want to feel this way forever i feel ike im rotting from the inside out.