I am so freaking tired of people using me. I did this to myself tho, not in a judgemental woe is me kind of way but previous behaviours made it ok for people to think they can treat me any ole kind of way and it be fine. I was. Brought up that I’m experiencing grief but I don’t feel grief. I feel anger. I feel complete and total frustration. I feel like I’m going to blow. How do I not blow? I’m not that person anymore. I handle myself with far more intention. I ve realized that while I do, I can still use some practice in higher stakes games. I have been doing fin with low hanging fruit but now that more heavy interactions are arising I feel challenged in new ways. Mostly, right now I just want to let it go. No solve it not push it aside adn never examine or feel anything about it every again but just sit it down. Just for now. Just for these 2 days allow it to not matter. to not attempt to improve or anything but to just be.