I'm disgusting, weird, and rude, you say? It seems to be a pretty common opinion among certain types of people, highly sociable people who think I should lick their ass the same as everyone else does. I'm not even there to entertain them, we're put in the same room situationally. I wouldn't even bother them, yet they have an opinion on me and try to force me into their minds. I know I'm not likeable to a particular type of person, I'm just too numb from previous rejection to even try to reach out- so I become more obscure and arrogant just because I can't connect. I can't. I've tried to put on this air of friendliness, I fell for all the scammy courses in trying to become someone that you can't easily reject. I feel disgusted at that now, but I'm more frustrated with all these micro-expectations when I'd rather keep distant people at the distance they took me for. I still want admiration for something, but I feel it's not for my soul.