Every morning for years, my father’s first words were, “What the hell are you living for?” And if I didn’t always do what he said, the next line was “I’ll smash you just like I made you”. I was slapped, punched and kicked by him just for saying I felt ill, or for replying that I was fine when asked what was wrong, or for crossing the road to meet him when I didn’t even know he was coming to pick me up from school. They forgot about me so many times when I was a child: they left me at dance class for whole afternoons, they forgot me at school and then got angry if I came home on my own or accepted lifts from my classmates’ parents hours later. They always told me I was a problem for them. I’ve attempted suicide so many times, but why haven’t I ever succeeded? Now I find myself with a partner who doesn’t even notice I exist. Even in this relationship, I’m just a wall for him to vent his thoughts on. Why am I nothing to anyone?