I’ve gone so long without being able to feel normally. Especially as a girl, we’re expected to talk walk and act a certain way. I never fit in with that, and my mom would constantly compare me to my father. I was never the girly type.I felt bad for her, since she may have wanted a feminine daughter, but I always felt self conscious about that side of me. For some reason, I always pushed away feminine things. I never wanted to look “weak” in front of my parents. Being emotional in my family was seen as weak and looked down upon. Every time I felt sad my parents would see it as me faking tears to get what I want. Or they would make it into a joke and say to “toughen up” or just get mad at me for crying.i don’t like hugs and I don’t like people touching me. I can’t even cry alone without feeling cringe. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I hate emotions but it’s taken an effect on my body and everything is draining me.i can’t afford therapy, But I can’t bear this anymore.