being an ugly teenage girl and autistic might actually be the worst combination ever ive never managed to keep a friendgroup for more than a year boys never look my way and it makes me think ill never find love my friends are reposting videos on tiktok about ‘that girl they’re starting to hate’ and im like 99% sure it’s about me i keep trying to lose weight but nothing works and every time i get upset i relapse and i can’t get out of my stupid binge cycle im failing maths and im too afraid to tell my parents because they’ll be so disappointed im too much of a coward to kill myself i always worry about the future and it’s genuinely eating me alive masking is killing a part of me every single day when i get close to someone i stop masking and then they get weirded out and leave me most of the time i wish i was normal