my cat's about to get put down. i should've been there for him, man. I should've fucking been there, and i can't even see him. i should've been better. i want him back. god isn't real. if he was real, he would have kept this from happening. he wouldn't let my cat be sick, he wouldn't let me be so miserable, he would make life worth living. I miss my baby. Five years with him, and this is how it ends. Liver problems and me telling him he would get better before he got sent with my grandmother, a heaven sent angel. i lied to him. i'm a fucking liar, and he's gonna remember me like one. im so sorry. i'm so sorry. i'm so sorry whatever happens, he'll always be the one who kept me alive past thirteen. im so sorry.