My dad confuses me so much. Most of the time, he is helping me through panic attacks and stroking my face lovingly while telling me it’s okay, it’ll be fine, and stays with me the whole night after while also checking in every so often. He jokes and makes me food or special coffees even though I didn’t ask and uses all his hard earned money on unnecessary things just to make me happy. He makes sure to say I love you every night. He goes to all my football games and cheers me on. But other times, while arguing, he’ll get this scary look in his eyes like he’s fighting the urge to hurt me. He’ll break the furniture, scream, punch the doors, tower over you to make you flinch away. He once grabbed my 18-year-old sister’s wrist once and pushed her out of the house for saying something disrespectful. Says that maybe if he beat us we’d behave better, then excuses it later as “heat of the moment” even though he cries out of guilt for hours after. I love him, I really do, but I’m so conflicted.