oh yeah and i have nightmares about one certain family member sexually assaulting me even though i have no memories of him ever being creepy. but they are intense nightmares and i have other intense nightmares that are mostly based off of my real trauma and similar events/affects on my life and upbringining like having other dreams about the assault/abuse i experienced as a minor. im so exhausted. im tired of waking up feeling so dirty :'"/