ive been distancing myself from everyone and my favorite person because all i do is bring pain misery and suffering to them. im genuinley so annoying. i dont know how to make emotional or any type of connections so all i do is bother them. i dont deserve human connection but im so selfish, and i need it. so i tried to repay by anything ive given them money let them bring me into whatever and im overjoyed when they hit me and i want to say sorry so badly but im so scared. i want to say sory for being such an annoying pest and parasite because i know they hate me but tolerate me out of pity and im selfish for wanting them to care about me because nobody could love a monster. i cant even repay them right and the guilt is eating me alive so ive been distancing myself and avoiding my friends and i feel so selfishly lonely i know i have no right to after the harm ive caused but all i can do now is cry and cut myself and feel pity for myself i need to die