Eh maybe if I just give up then things will come, I can’t count how many times I’ve had to deal with people who choose jobless abusive controlling scumbags over me, maybe I should just be a shitbird maybe that is how one attracts partners. Or Maybe being squared away is too much for people to handle having a work ethic and goals not being abusive. Maybe I’m too stoic too sweet too self reflective or maybe I’m just conceited for thinking any of those things make me better then a jobless abusive person.