Man I hate being an addict. I just can’t stop. I cannot function without stimulants. When I’m sober I don’t do shit, but when I’m not I do everything. It’s sad. I’ve tried to be productive while sober but it’s so hard. This is so hard. Even though I’m high functioning the mental toll it’s taking on me is severe. Every night I want to hurt myself and contemplate suicide. The comedown, the need for downers to suppress it. It’s everyday. I’m running out of money and I’m finding any way to get my next score.I’m scared. I’m scared for my future self. I am going to die at this rate and if I don’t then I’ll be hooked on these drugs for the rest of my life. I wish I never started. I really wish. I want to break the cycle but when I do the crave is unbearable. But this is the most unbearable. I don’t want to stop because if I do then everything will stop. I won’t put in effort, I won’t volunteer, I won’t study, I just won’t care. That’s why I need it. But I think to myself, is it truly worth it