ive been distancing myself from my (platonic) favorite person. i feel like all our conversations are stale and repeittive and that im a parasite in her life. im so selfish. everyone else feels superficial but her, and she is the light and my will to keep being alive. but i will never tell her that, because thats what my past emotional abuser said to keep me chained. i want her to know she can leave me and break me whenever she wants. i want her to hate me sometimes and physically hurt me because i dont know how else to form a connection. im afraid my distance is hurting her but my closeness will hurt her more. i want her to know how much i just truly truly love her but i dont know how or anything and im so miserable every time she talks to me i feel so guilty like im forcing her to and if she even loves me (which i dont want her to sometimes) she loves a fake made up version of me and im a disgusting liar