Sometimes I wonder if I'm the only person in my godforsaken family that understands how depression works and how it's never always obvious. I'd expect that the grown-ups around me that SHOULD know more about it, but noo, I'm just being "lazy", apparantly. Sure, I guess. But I hope they blame themselves for my death once I kill myself. And I'll make sure they feel pure guilt once I do. I already have plans of killing myself and how to do it in front of those people with absolutely no chance of saving me. Maybe I'll even show them how deep I've cut when it comes to my wrists. And if things fail... well, I guess I'll get that therapy that I needed this entire time. Honestly I don't even care if I'll ruin my entire relationships with the people around me, I just wish the worst pain and misery upon the people I feel resentment for. Even if the people I resent includes my own parents, I don't care anymore. I want the worst for them.