I fucking hate my mother, I swear to GOD today was my last straw, I want to die. if i kill my self it will ACTIVELY be because of her. I've been constantly wanting to relapse after A WHOLE YEAR CLEAN for the last few days because of HER. Look she's always been committing emotional incest to me since I was a child, telling me abt her adult problems, expecting for a child, let alone her OWN child, to be able to sympathise with her and give her advice on matters a child should absolutely not know about. When I was JUST 7 she told me abt how when I was born and my parents were freshly married, they used to fight a lot and everyday after my father left for work she would actively attempt to hang herself using the fan and a rope and that she "only stayed alive for me". Does she understand the mental strain that put on a child? I've lived so much of my life worrying that when i get home from school, I'll find she hanged herself. She doesnt realise just how much she's fucked me up.