I don't believe my mother will ever let me be able to escape and leave this hellhole I live in because of her. I think my only guaranteed freedom and means of release is to take my life. I'm tired. I hate the world that constantly waters what she does down, forces everything she does on me to fix while constantly making my life and my emotions about what they want. Pat of me wants to commit suicide because of hoping there's nothing after death. That way, I don't have to feel this way anymore. I don't have to feel anything anymore. Not having to feel scared, not having to feel hurt, not having to deal with the constant selfishness of people who demand my life fit their needs. I hate it all. I want my mom dead. I don't have it in me to make that happen but I want her dead. I'm so tired and I can't take it anymore.