the thought of suicide has always lingered in my mind. I don’t know when it became so comfortable, to be honest. The first time I really remember hearing about it was when I saw a youtube video about that girl with the flash cards, talking about being blackmailed. I remember thinking that there was always another way. I told myself that if that ever happened to me, I’d find a cabin far away and live there because living, even sadly, is better than nothing. I think I maintained that for a while. Anytime anyone asked me what I’d do in a zombie apocalypse I’d make up a very elaborate plan to live. I was so adamant on being alive. It sounds so stupid, it really does. I’m not religious either to be honest, never really was. I wish I was though, I’d have some fear to teeter me away from the thought of suicide. Anyways, I think it’s fair to say that recently I’ve been moving away from those thoughts. I think I want to die. I’m okay with it. I’m okay that I’ll die at my own two hands.