i genuinely just dont know what the fuck is going on. i go through these random outrages where i feel like the ugliest person to ever roam the earth and im so insecure about my nose and it really affects me. i push everyone away and i have something going really well for me right now but im so worried that when we actually hang out he is going to realize he doesn't like me. i just want to love so bad, even with friends but all i can think about it how i look. i have questioned letting him go again because i feel so insecure and just like i cant do it but im letting the insecurities and isolation win AGAIN. i feel like i dont only owe it to him but to myself to give this a chance no matter how it goes. i just want to feel beautiful and i feel like i obsess over it to a point where i really get in my own head about it. why can i not just exist? i feel like ive only ever wanted to be wanted and so it just makes me constantly worry about how i look or who is looking at me. thats all, thx.