I'm so close to ending my life. I've never felt more lost or scared. My brother recently took his own life, and I feel like my only way is to follow him. The night ot happened, I remember my other brother looking at me and saying "I just can't imagine how he felt. Nobody is born that way", and I just cried because I think maybe I was born that way. I've never felt really happy. I was diagnosed with MDD when I was still in elementary school, and I know it'll never go away. Every year just gets more tiring. I have friends, I have a lover, I have a mom who cares about me most of the time, and even if we don't have cash, they're happy. I don't know why I can't be happy here. I've always felt like my life was supposed to be a lesson for others anyway, kinda like a side character that dies and reminds the mc that their choices matter or something. I can't see a future where I exist. I can't imagine the world with me in it. I think I should just pull the trigger now