my partner of 5 years has lost most interest in me because of my mental illnesses. i have a college degree and two certifications on the way to make sure that we would be stable once we were on our own but im not sure about any of it anymore. i tried to kill myself today but the blade was dull. ill try tomorrow maybe. i already wrote a note, delegated my online accounts to my best friend, and have an alternative method for if i cannot find a proper blade tomorrow. there is no trying to save me, i don't want to be saved if i cant have the one person who saw me so well back. i come from nothing but abuse and torture. but of course i go and fuck something so good up. it's okay though. ive made peace with my decision to die. im tired of suffering. i hope when i knock their stuff over as a spirit like i told them i would, they laugh. i hope they remember me fondly. i love them so much.