Why am I such a bad person? I make jokes, they hit a nerve. I get pissed over a mistake, I take it out on others. People kindly point out what I do wrong, I get defensive. Why do I do it? I’ve cried so much over how much I hate myself right now. I feel numb at this point. I can’t change, how could I? After all, I’ve ruined so many friendships, so many people’s lives. My best friend won’t talk to me because I made a cruel joke about her wearing a tank top. She hasn’t worn one since then. I’m so dumb. I could kill myself, but I’m too much of a chicken to do so, and people care too much. But why care about me? I’m a piece of shit. I’m surprised my partner could still love me. I almost ruined our relationship. But she still cares. She shouldn’t. I’m a monster. I ruin everything in my life. I destroy everyone around me, like I have an infectious disease. What the fuck do I do with my life? I can’t die, every day is the same, and I can’t stop hating myself. God I’m such a loser.