I'd rather just be hooked on substances than feel more hurt from people I feel close to and spent years of my life with cutting ties with me with no explanation or reason when I've done nothing wrong. And I don't want them to see me in the state I'm in, or see me die. I don't want them to know what they've did to me. I don't want them to care or feel guilty. Im autistic, and I don't understand people. Is treating someone you knew for years like a disposable just a normal thing? Shit, a friendship drifting apart naturally is one thing, but a sudden block, ghosting, and being cut off just because they're in the next stage of life and don't need me anymore are normal or "morally correct" things? If it is I don't want friends anymore.