my father was an alcoholic and i've never drank because of this. once i turned around 16 or 17 and my friends started drinking i started being really uncomfortable with people drinking around me. when i got to college, at least i had roommates who didn't drink often who understood and didn't drink around me. i thought after college things would be better, drinking would lose its appeal. but now that i'm back at home with my parents and lost contact with my college friends, i have no way of meeting other adults that doesn't involve drinking. now, even the mention of alcohol in shows i like, with musicians i enjoy, doesn't just make me uncomfortable, it makes me anxious. there was someone who i admired who i thought didn't drink much who suddenly started talking about drinking, and it gave me such a bad panic attack it made me physically ill. im medicated now, but not being able to enjoy anything without feeling anxious and inadequate as an adult is actively making me suicidal