I am two faced. I’m not proud of it at all. I’m nasty and I hate myself for it. People think I’m all good and nice and kind. But they don’t know how I act at home. My home itself is a mess. My relationship with my father is terrible. I don’t want him as my dad at all. He’s an abusive and narcissistic. All I ever wanted was to live my life normally. I just want to leave this place. But I want to live. I think that there’s something for me to live for. But yet, I keep finding myself back on this route. I don’t want to feel alone. I just want to talk to someone, but I’m too scared. I know god will forgive me, as he is mercifully and all. I feel guilty, I feel like I’m using him just to vent. All I talk about are my problems to him. I just want to have a friend who’s the complete opposite of me and listens. I want someone who knows how to talk to people like me. Even if they just feel bad. I wouldn’t care. I want to feel heard.