My dad only communicates that I'm stupid and oblivious through derisive laughter. I sought help before from toxic communities who all spread the conservative message of respecting my father, going as far as to encourage me to act on my suicidal thoughts. I wish I could be seen as intelligent by my dad, I wish I could break free from the fear of being judged and laughed at. I just can't, I'm too weak and I know I'm weak. I want to kill myself to alleviate all tension. People laugh at me because I want them to be happy without me, I don't want to stay feeling that they all know something that I don't or that I'm too weak to find the language to explain.
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