I finally figured it out I have to live to die My belief is that if you got unfinished business, then you become a ghost, if you do not, then you get to be reincarnated as whatever I do not know if I will become a ghost, but I assume I probably will because I don't want to grow old, I want to die on my own terms, so killing myself when I am ready or at a low point, which happens a lot I can't do it now though because obviously I will look how I am now when I become a ghost, which I do not want, I want to look exactly how I want for my afterlife And so that is my goal, I will live so I can be who I want when I die Much more motivating than anything else in my opinion