i was crying because i was overwhelmed with everything. my studies were taking a toll on me and i prayed with my tears. my mom came up to me and saw them. she laughed and asked if i had another crying session. i cant look at her the same way anymore. i love her but shes so distant. she doesnt take me seriously, with whatever achievement i do she tries to downplay it. im happy to have a loving mother like her but she loves me physically not emotionally. im sad that i have to keep loving her emotionally knowing it cant be reciprocated. im so tired of trying to pretend i do. im hurt that she cant understand what im going through. she makes everything a joke and spreads it to my family. i dont know where to go to. my family feels like an entertainment show. i feel so watched and controlled. the only emotion i can show is being happy, otherwise they’ll laugh with me. its either i laugh with them or they laugh at me. sometimes i hope i become sick because thats the only time they care.