Im about to graduate HVAC School in 15 days mostly with A.i. Im addicted to marijuana Ive been out of a job for the last 7 months, Im being put up by my brother, I see him struggling, and I still havent put in any applications Im an alcoholic who still drinks at every opportunity but since Im not working, Im broke save for the spare cash from when my brother sends a lyft I've lost some of my work tools already. And have no idea how to verbalize what I know, for my resume I'm lazy. Im terrified of social interaction because I fear failure & rejection I think, and struggle so much to reach out, I'm sitting hungry in this house while my brother is out working, because there is no food and I don't want to be needy and beg. I know that is obtuse since I'm already doing it implicitly but the rush of emotions I get even thinking about saying it makes me sick. I've probably killed myself with alcohol already. I've noticed symptoms. I might not live to pay my brother back for school.