I feel like I am a terrible person. The person i loved now resents me, no matter what she tells me, i just know deep down she hates me. And that feeling is infectious, toxic, its now making me think shit like "What do i actually bring to the table? Im not that special at all" I struggle with reaching out to people, i hardly message my friends unless they message me first because im bad at making small talk and never have anything interesting to talk about of my own accord. Before i dated my ex, all i knew was loneliness, even in a crowd, that isolating feeling never went away, but over the years it became a comfort. But now, this is different, its a distinct yearning. A yearn for connection, to feel loved, truly loved. Now i am shit scared of being alone because i know now what those connections actually feel like and the pressure is on now, more than it ever has been before and i dont know if i can hold on to false hope and dreams any longer. I know that im not worth keeping around.