my first partner (starting when i was 12) was MTF and was emotionally and sexually abusive. my fucked up brain makes me want to seek and get hurt by someone else who is MTF and pre transition. its so gross i cant even tell a therapist even though im trans too (FTM). i got even more messed up a few years ago after doing okay for a while when a friend of a friend assaulted me when he had been misgendering and denying my gender and pushing boundaries the whole weekend. KMS :)
Write it down. Let it go. No account, no name.
my problems feel so small compared to others.
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