I can't ever be my honest, real self with the people I love. I can't be genuine, honest about my struggles. They're worried, at least I know one of them is. I feel terrible, because I don't want to waste their time with my lies. They deserve honesty, yet everytime I think about actually opening up it makes me nauseous. At some point they'll get fed up with me, I know. They'll leave me, and I'll be stuck missing them. And still, I'm never able to be vulnerable with them. I'm going to suffer the consequences of my own actions, something I could avoid and yet I don't. I'm setting up the stage for my own downfall, and it feels hopeless. Stuck in a prison of my own making.
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