I am a terrible child, and a terrible older sibling. I can’t actually maintain my own basic necessities (taking a shower, eating, etc), I can’t think without spiraling into a loop, I can’t process basic concepts and emotions and tones correctly and yet I am “academically gifted”. Even that’s has failed me as I can’t even keep a b honor roll anymore. I don’t do my chores, I consistently lie to others and myself, I can’t anchor myself in reality, I just can’t. I can’t function without a stupid pill I take for focusing, ADHD, autism, anxiety and whatever else I have. I’m constantly hurting myself on accident and I’m purpose and medical bills are expensive. I have 3 other siblings (one is my literal twin) and they all gave up on depending on me years ago. I drive my parents insane. I can’t just be normal, even with mental issues aside as my friend and family who also have autism or anxiety manage fine. I lie awake at night and fantasize about not waking up, knowing I’m too scared anyway