I don't know what to do with my life. I had a best friend and he passed away to suicide and since then my friends group kinda fall apart. One has a new online friends and one already has their people from their school and im just being there feeling like an npc. Wish drives me crazy because i never felt that way when we are together. And i tried getting into a college but they didn't accept me. I keep telling myself it's fine, i just need to try again but i just wish my life wasn't this hard on me. I wish my friend is alive, i wish i didn't failed, i wish i didn't have this much regret. I just want to be that 11y kid who plays games all day and don't have to worry a thing. I just want everything to be the same. Everyone seems to move on so fast and here i am stuck in the past, mourning for the moment we have together while i need to try to get myself in that college.