I feel like my heart is heavy, like the baby in my stomach isn’t the only thing weighing on me. Like I’m slowly losing everything, my mind, my will, my resistance. I pray and I carry on and I try not to let everything break me. But it doesn’t feel like it’s working. I feel like despite everything I’ve been doing to not weigh on everyone else, is weighing on them anyway. I feel like I’m failing at every role I’m playing in life. Like even though i barely speak or go around people, I’m still in everyone’s way. On top of all that, the feeling of not existing feels like a relief. But the endless void of not knowing what’s after this is stopping me. I don’t know what to do, I love so hard that it feels like everything that isn’t my fault somehow is. I feel like I’m a bad girlfriend, like I’m losing my mom, and I miss my great grandma because I feel like she was the only one who understood me.