I feel so alone despite having people in my life I can reach out to. I know I can reach out to them but I don’t want half assed responses or fake understanding. I hate how I have to be on the verge of breaking down for anyone to notice, and even then it’s not like they’ll actually extend some support. I’m so tired of always initiating conversations, of being the one to carry every interaction I have all day, of putting on a smile everyday for my friend just so that we don’t fall into awkward silence whole day. I’ve said so many off-putting, messed up things, that I want to give up on everything, but nobody ever calls me out for it and tells me it’s wrong to think that way. it simply flies under the radar like it’s nothing. I’m so tired of having to TELL people I’m not okay. It might be selfish or narcissistic, but for once I just want someone to care about me, to text first, to initiate the conversation, to be attentive and catch the small signs that show I’m falling apart.